No doubt you will have heard all about Birmingham on social media and from your out-of-town friends.

It’s all true. Birmingham is a terrible place – rife with unfriendly locals, dirty streets and terrible food. Here’s 50 reasons why you should stay away. Seriously folks, it’s really not worth it.

The city is disgusting.

11062092_1003227856384309_2818132108302003992_n

Victoria Square by Verity Milligan

I mean, look at it.

14947478_1455129534515508_5455513778395133047_n

Birmingham Skyline by Ross Jukes

There’s nothing pleasant about it at all.

1907333_903979096309186_5973495614816891763_n

Fox Hollies Park by Verity Milligan

It’s just a concrete jungle with not a beautiful view in sight.

11257127_995586690481759_2896466113209958625_n

Lickey Hills by Verity Milligan

And great architecture? You won’t find any of that here.

1559671_966715603368868_3799534476218016087_n

Birmingham Symphony Hall by Verity Milligan

Nope, none whatsoever. It’s all just plain, old concrete in Birmingham.

1499518_756336494406781_636218777_n

The Cube by Ross Jukes

It’s like this city is bereft of cultural history.

11148775_978658058841289_8894495473369520351_n

Victoria Square by Verity Milligan

Or culture of any kind.

1424474_10205553789863380_571680665462405375_n

Birmingham Royal Ballet performing The Nutcracker at Birmingham Hippodrome

Nope. Nothing historic, or noteworthy, ever happened here.

peaky-ida456-1024x591

Digbeth’s own Peaky Blinders

There are definitely no museums in Birmingham.

10501609_10152623491967975_7003253383122219809_n

Birmingham Museum And Art Gallery

And contemporary art? There’s none of that.

10414890_830573923649704_3981763944290545121_n

Icicle sculptures by Verity Milligan

We all know the best artists and art galleries are based down in London, right?

11070999_962801303760298_6397604748531654464_n

The internationally renowned Ikon Gallery by Verity Milligan

Street art? Never heard of it.

10155168_10207308984622152_3294429906974586551_n

Street Art, The Custard Factory

We already told you there’s no artwork to be found in Birmingham!

10613129_912288008799666_1850364507446100807_n

Street Art by Ross Jukes

None at all, so stop asking.

11064620_10206507492065339_2826843297468792725_n

Street Art, The Custard Factory

Independent clothes stores? You must be having a laugh.

unspecified-4

Liquor Store, Colmore Row

A Zero Waste Supermarket? Don’t have one of those either.

The Clean Kilo, The Custard Factory

This city is just a desolate wasteland.

20374500_1391413164239201_5893191061941951455_n

The Birmingham skyline by Ross Jukes

Nothing ever goes on in Birmingham.

22046067_1898771720343621_1429014644294177819_n

Birmingham Seasonal Markets, The Bond

There are never any fun events. It’s all just doom and gloom.

Digbeth Après Ski

And festivals, we don’t do them. Ok?

The Independent Birmingham Festival at Aston Hall

Because who in their right mind would turn up?

13592764_1041370839243437_1730964537476792219_n

The view of Mostly Jazz, Funk and Soul Festival from above by Didier Soulier

And no one famous ever came from Birmingham.

1930442_22701789652_7236_n

Mike Skinner, The Streets

Seriously, the musical heritage of this city sucks.

10425368_10152547542152318_2027453845208090836_n

Ozzy Osbourne of Black Sabbath, founder of heavy metal

And there’s definitely no good bands knocking about at the moment.

603668_522026217857067_1990382780_n

Swim Deep

In fact, no one ever has fun here – ever.

10462516_1137136869636052_4421746748839633871_n

Magic Door

Everyone is just really grumpy and unfriendly.

Birmingham By Ross Jukes Photography

Festive Band at Christmas by Ross Jukes

And we only care about ourselves.

stepehn

Stephen Sutton, granted a posthumous MBE for his charity work raising money for Teenage Cancer Trust

Fine dining? It’s all just greasy takeaway joints here.

carters-of-moseley-asparagus-curd-aerial

Carters of Moseley – one of four Michelin Star restaurants in Birmingham

You won’t find anything tasty in this city, so don’t even try.

qHTT7jn3

Burgers at The Meat Shack

And forget diversity. All the food is the same.

10526015_586446828142719_6917617445009635062_n

The Platter, Antep Turkish Cuisine

So if you want a curry, you’ll have to go someplace else. You won’t find one here.

unnamed-2

Indian Brewery Company, Livery Street

Got a sweet tooth? Too bad, we don’t do desserts.

20915838_10154876752753263_407203653_n

Oreo Cheesecake waffle by The Bournville Waffle Company

And it’s just terrible for vegetarians. There’s simply nothing for them.

10945555_918316371532597_1332877634529231558_n

The Warehouse Cafe

Street food? Never heard of it.

18814312_1356303194468032_923839230199434838_n

Thai Green Curry by Buddha Belly

We wouldn’t even know what it was like to spend a Friday evening at an award-winning street food event.

11257240_879043962156671_2877649031709028944_n

Digbeth Dining Club

There’s never any exciting projects going on, either.

10622830_898652196823795_4533680687098009287_n

The ceiling in the Council House, Birmingham’s Hidden Spaces

Nope, nothing comes to mind.

17800463_453734374972620_5664348855338333762_n

The Big Hoot 2015, which saw Birmingham transformed into one of the biggest outdoor art exhibitions in the UK

And don’t get us started on independents.

26166543_1675834902487304_7065151497942058885_n

Medicine Bakery And Gallery, New Street

We don’t have any, so get over it.

Nocturnal Animals, Bennett’s Hill

There’s certainly not a decent cup of coffee to be found in the city.

unnamed-7

Caffiened, Harborne

And don’t get us started on the bar scene – it’s dead. There’s simply nowhere to go out in an evening.

11045294_818720098195585_7537882286140199672_n

The Prince of Wales, Moseley

Seriously, there is nowhere in town at all to get a decent cocktail.

Never Spring at 18/81

So don’t even try and have fun! It won’t work.

10891704_864971066857650_2469473093298491695_n

Sweetie Jar Cocktails, The Jekyll And Hyde

Craft beer? Never heard of it.

Dig Brew Co., River Street

And beer gardens, once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all right?

1026051_363030197156929_47501510_o-1024x768

The Lord Clifden, Great Hampton Street

They are literally all the same.

11041792_776259239123286_6755246465187403114_n

The Bureau Bar and Kitchen, Colmore Row

We already told you, there’s no fun to be had in this city – so just accept that and move on.

unnamed-2

St Patrick’s Day festival at The Old Crown, Digbeth

Seriously, why would you ever want to visit Birmingham?

10685560_902026013171161_513313604077029691_n

Gas Street Basin by Verity Milligan

How could you ever be proud of a city that looks like this?

1908281_759577080749389_1082752084_n

BMAG and Town Hall, Chamberlain Square by Verity Milligan

If, for some reason, you do want to come to Birmingham, check out the Independent Birmingham Membership Card.

DSC05924_preview

Shop local, celebrate the unique and rediscover your city!

Join over 18,500 Brummies and grab yourself an Independent Birmingham Membership Card. Enjoy fantastic year-long discounts and deals at over 115 of the very best independent cafes, bars, restaurants, pubs, theatres, cinemas and shops in Birmingham – including: Digbeth Dining Club, The Electric cinema, Simpsons, The Wilderness, Carters, Lasan, Birmingham Hippodrome, Adam’s, 18/81, Zindiya, The Meat Shack, Nocturnal Animals, Baked In Brick, Harborne Kitchen, BoneHead, Purnell’s Restaurant, Bodega Bar Y Cantina, Wayland’s Yard, Purnell’s Bistro, Buffalo and Rye, mac Birmingham, Gaijin Sushi, Fiesta del Asado, 40 St Paul’s, The Plough, Hare and Hounds, Birmingham Repertory Theatre, The Lord Clifden, The Jekyll And Hyde, The Church, Bourne and Co., The Rose Villa Tavern, Cherry Reds, The Prince of Wales, The Loft, Laghi’s Deli, Medicine Bakery, The Paper Duck, Town Hall Symphony Hall, The Clean Kilo and many more.

To grab your key to the city for just £15 (or at the amazing price of two for £20), click here.