No doubt you will have heard all about Birmingham on social media and from your out-of-town friends.

It’s all true. Birmingham is a terrible place – rife with unfriendly locals, dirty streets and terrible food. Here’s 50 reasons why you should stay away. Seriously folks, it’s really not worth it.

The city is disgusting.


Victoria Square by Verity Milligan

I mean, look at it.


Birmingham Skyline by Ross Jukes

There’s nothing pleasant about it at all.


Fox Hollies Park by Verity Milligan

It’s just a concrete jungle with not a beautiful view in sight.


Lickey Hills by Verity Milligan

And great architecture? You won’t find any of that here.


Birmingham Symphony Hall by Verity Milligan

Nope, none whatsoever. It’s all just plain, old concrete in Birmingham.


The Cube by Ross Jukes

It’s like this city is bereft of cultural history.


Victoria Square by Verity Milligan

Or culture of any kind.


Birmingham Royal Ballet performing The Nutcracker at Birmingham Hippodrome

Nope. Nothing historic, or noteworthy, ever happened here.


Digbeth’s own Peaky Blinders

There are definitely no museums in Birmingham.


Birmingham Museum And Art Gallery

And contemporary art? There’s none of that.


Icicle sculptures by Verity Milligan

We all know the best artists and art galleries are based down in London, right?


The internationally renowned Ikon Gallery by Verity Milligan

Street art? Never heard of it.


Street Art, The Custard Factory

We already told you there’s no artwork to be found in Birmingham!


Street Art by Ross Jukes

None at all, so stop asking.


Street Art, The Custard Factory

Independent clothes stores? You must be having a laugh.


Liquor Store, Colmore Row

A Zero Waste Supermarket? Don’t have one of those either.

The Clean Kilo, The Custard Factory

This city is just a desolate wasteland.


The Birmingham skyline by Ross Jukes

Nothing ever goes on in Birmingham.


Birmingham Seasonal Markets, The Bond

There are never any fun events. It’s all just doom and gloom.

Digbeth Après Ski

And festivals, we don’t do them. Ok?

The Independent Birmingham Festival at Aston Hall

Because who in their right mind would turn up?


The view of Mostly Jazz, Funk and Soul Festival from above by Didier Soulier

And no one famous ever came from Birmingham.


Mike Skinner, The Streets

Seriously, the musical heritage of this city sucks.


Ozzy Osbourne of Black Sabbath, founder of heavy metal

And there’s definitely no good bands knocking about at the moment.


Swim Deep

In fact, no one ever has fun here – ever.


Magic Door

Everyone is just really grumpy and unfriendly.

Birmingham By Ross Jukes Photography

Festive Band at Christmas by Ross Jukes

And we only care about ourselves.


Stephen Sutton, granted a posthumous MBE for his charity work raising money for Teenage Cancer Trust

Fine dining? It’s all just greasy takeaway joints here.


Carters of Moseley – one of four Michelin Star restaurants in Birmingham

You won’t find anything tasty in this city, so don’t even try.


Burgers at The Meat Shack

And forget diversity. All the food is the same.


The Platter, Antep Turkish Cuisine

So if you want a curry, you’ll have to go someplace else. You won’t find one here.


Indian Brewery Company, Livery Street

Got a sweet tooth? Too bad, we don’t do desserts.


Oreo Cheesecake waffle by The Bournville Waffle Company

And it’s just terrible for vegetarians. There’s simply nothing for them.


The Warehouse Cafe

Street food? Never heard of it.


Thai Green Curry by Buddha Belly

We wouldn’t even know what it was like to spend a Friday evening at an award-winning street food event.


Digbeth Dining Club

There’s never any exciting projects going on, either.


The ceiling in the Council House, Birmingham’s Hidden Spaces

Nope, nothing comes to mind.


The Big Hoot 2015, which saw Birmingham transformed into one of the biggest outdoor art exhibitions in the UK

And don’t get us started on independents.


Medicine Bakery And Gallery, New Street

We don’t have any, so get over it.

Nocturnal Animals, Bennett’s Hill

There’s certainly not a decent cup of coffee to be found in the city.


Caffiened, Harborne

And don’t get us started on the bar scene – it’s dead. There’s simply nowhere to go out in an evening.


The Prince of Wales, Moseley

Seriously, there is nowhere in town at all to get a decent cocktail.

Never Spring at 18/81

So don’t even try and have fun! It won’t work.


Sweetie Jar Cocktails, The Jekyll And Hyde

Craft beer? Never heard of it.

Dig Brew Co., River Street

And beer gardens, once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all right?


The Lord Clifden, Great Hampton Street

They are literally all the same.


The Bureau Bar and Kitchen, Colmore Row

We already told you, there’s no fun to be had in this city – so just accept that and move on.


St Patrick’s Day festival at The Old Crown, Digbeth

Seriously, why would you ever want to visit Birmingham?


Gas Street Basin by Verity Milligan

How could you ever be proud of a city that looks like this?


BMAG and Town Hall, Chamberlain Square by Verity Milligan

If, for some reason, you do want to come to Birmingham, check out the Independent Birmingham Membership Card.


Shop local, celebrate the unique and rediscover your city!

Join over 18,500 Brummies and grab yourself an Independent Birmingham Membership Card. Enjoy fantastic year-long discounts and deals at over 115 of the very best independent cafes, bars, restaurants, pubs, theatres, cinemas and shops in Birmingham – including: Digbeth Dining Club, The Electric cinema, Simpsons, The Wilderness, Carters, Lasan, Birmingham Hippodrome, Adam’s, 18/81, Zindiya, The Meat Shack, Nocturnal Animals, Baked In Brick, Harborne Kitchen, BoneHead, Purnell’s Restaurant, Bodega Bar Y Cantina, Wayland’s Yard, Purnell’s Bistro, Buffalo and Rye, mac Birmingham, Gaijin Sushi, Fiesta del Asado, 40 St Paul’s, The Plough, Hare and Hounds, Birmingham Repertory Theatre, The Lord Clifden, The Jekyll And Hyde, The Church, Bourne and Co., The Rose Villa Tavern, Cherry Reds, The Prince of Wales, The Loft, Laghi’s Deli, Medicine Bakery, The Paper Duck, Town Hall Symphony Hall, The Clean Kilo and many more.

To grab your key to the city for just £15 (or at the amazing price of two for £20), click here.